I decided to start this “challenge” for myself to really digest my thoughts and my feelings and my energy. Right now I am just so damn confused. There’s no other way to put it and there’s no other word to describe the overarching theme of life right now other than confusing. The way I go about my day is confusing. The media I consume is confusing. Me wanting to do one thing then doing the complete opposite is confusing. The way my thoughts come and go is confusing. Hell, my dreams have been confusing! Isn’t sleep supposed to be therapeutic and act as reset for our bodies?! Why is that even causing me to feel confused??? The answer is simply; I don’t know. The time we’re all in right now is so incredibly weird. It’s scary. It’s starting to feel like a vicious cycle of I’m okay, wait I’m not okay, but in this moment I am, but in the next I’m not. We’re craving stability, security, safety, and the truth of the matter is we don’t have that, at least for the time being. And growing up having those three things make the world go round to all of a sudden everything and everyone being unstable, insecure, and unsafe — being confused, well, it’s a normal reaction. Nonetheless, things aren’t any easier just because we’re reacting in a so-called normal manner. These next 30 days, I am expecting to remain in quarantine, so I feel a pull to push myself to write about whatever is on my mind at that moment and to then share it on this platform. In a time that is so confusing, I want this to be my therapy, and if any of these words or posts resonate with someone or distract them from all of this confusion or inspire them to look within to acknowledge their own thoughts even if that means feeling uncomfortable, then my goaled has been reached. Let’s see what the next 30 days have in store…
xx,
Kay
